


Turn Back Time

by OurUnsungHeroes42344



Category: Castle
Genre: AU, Between Seasons/Series, Bromance, Death Fic, F/M, Gen, Hurt, M/M, Protective Javier, Ryan whump, rysposito
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:40:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7009150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurUnsungHeroes42344/pseuds/OurUnsungHeroes42344
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't matter how many times, he just can't do it, he can't save him. . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [parkrstark](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SHAYMAZING DETECTIVE RYSPOSITO! AU: Jenny doesn't exist. This is set during the summer between s5 & 6

6:45am, Mon, June 15th, 2013

Kevin Ryan slams the phone down on the cradle, jumping to his feet. "I've got him! A uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago."

Javier Esposito grabs the keys to their beloved cherry red charger, Chad and follows his partner towards the elevator.

They pull out of the lot and Kevin gives Javier the address. Javier mentally traces the route in his head, unfortunately it's almost 7am on a Monday in New York which means getting all the way out to the outer edges of Queens could take ages. 

Javier gets off the clogged main roads as soon as he has the chance and tears through the city via the back roads. "Good idea, taking the back w-CRASH!" 

Javier's body jerks forward in his seat as does Kevin's. Javier slams on the brake and pulls on the wheel desperately trying to get the car out of the out of control spin. Kevin meanwhile is slumped over in his seat, a large gash in his head.

CRASH!

Javier can't stop the spin, he closes his eyes as the car becomes briefly airborne. All of a sudden the car comes to a violent stop as they careen off the road and into a tree. Javier lifts his head and opens his eyes, shaking glass shards out of his hair. Javier turns to see if Kevin's okay only to whip back around and pry his door open, vomiting out onto the grass. 

A tree branch has come through the car windshield. And that tree branch has impaled itself in Kevin Ryan's stomach, pinning him to his seat.

Javier scrambles out of his seat and races around to the other side, yanking on the passenger door until it comes free. Once Javier finally frees the door he tosses it backwards. 

A moan draws his attention and he bends in near Kevin. "Kevin? Kevin can you hear me?"

Another pained moan. "J-Javi?"

Despite the situation Javier can't help but feel a rush of joy when his name slips off Kevin's lips. "Yes, it's me. I'm right here next to you."

"Next time, I'm driving," Kevin says with a frown, lifting his head up. Kevin hasn't noticed his predicament yet and Javier doesn't know whether that's a good or bad thing yet. 

As Javier watches Kevin's forehead crinkles and his eyes narrow slightly, one eyebrow raising only barely. "Umm, Javi... I don't want to alarm you but I can't feel my legs...."

Javier chokes on a lump forming in his throat. "Kev....you....I..." he just can't bring himself to say anything. "I'm gonna call 9-1-1, just stay still and focus on breathing okay."

Javier pulls out his cell phone, rises and walks a few paces from the car, he puts in the call before he hangs up and returns to Kevin's side. "Hey, bus is on it's way, should be here any minute now."

"Lemme know when they git here, kayy, Javi, jus lemme sleep till then," he slurs. Kevin's eyes flutter shut and his head droops to his chest.

"Hey! Kevin! No, no, no! Come on Kevin, you gotta stay awake. Come on, stay with me, open those blue eyes of yours," Javier begs, lifting his partner's head in his hands.

Javier can hear the sirens near them as Kevin finally opens his eyes again. Javier waves the paramedics over as soon as the two ambulances screech to a stop. "He's over here! Please hurry!"

Two EMT's run down the bank to Javier and the side of the car. Javier allows himself to be pulled away by the EMT's from the second ambulance. He's sat down on the back of one of the ambulances, his eyes however remain glued on the wrecked car. 

He hisses and flinches in surprise and pain when the paramedic dabs a gash on his cheek he doesn't know he has. The paramedic hands him a cloth and tells him to keep it pressed against his cheek. Javier does as he's told, eyes pinned on the car.

One of the paramedics from down by the car runs up to them. "Are you his partner?"

"Yes, I'm Detective Esposito, he's my partner Detective Ryan. Is he gonna be okay? Why is he still in there? Why aren't you doing anything?" Javier yells, starting to panic.

"I'm sorry Detect-" the paramedic starts.

Javier cuts him off. "No! Don't say it. He...He can't be...you don't understand! I can't lose him! He's my p-" he falters. "My brother. He's my brother! I can't lose him!"

By this time Javier has risen to his feet, the cloth dropping from his hand. "No, no, no, you misunderstand me, he's still with us," a weight begins to lift off Javier's shoulders, "for now." And just like that, the weight is back. 

Kevin.

He sits down hard, suddenly unable to remain standing. "Detective Ryan is paralyzed from the waist down, the tree branch is the only reason he's still alive right now. If we attempt to remove it or him he'll bleed out in seconds. He still doesn't have much time, he's not in any pain but we've done all we can. I'm sorry."

Javier stands and slowly starts towards the car and his partner as the paramedics step a respectful distance back. Javier crouches near the door and his heart near breaks at the sight inside. Kevin's face is really pale and shines with the sweat that mats his bangs to his forehead. His beautiful blue eyes are dull. His ragged breaths are shaky and comes out in gasps. His shirt, pants and seat are covered in blood. 

"Javi," Kevin's eyes brighten and he turns his head slightly to face him. "You had me worried bro," he extends a shaky hand and runs his finger lightly along the gash in his cheek. 

Javier takes his hand and holds it, rubbing his thumb in small comforting circles. "Me? You scared me more," he whispers, holding back the tears that begin to form in his eyes. 

"I'm dying, aren't I?" Kevin whispers, tears flowing from his eyes. 

That's when the dam breaks. Tears now freely falling, Javier can't bring himself to voice the truth, instead he nods. "I'm gonna be here the whole time, okay. I promise, I won't leave you."

"I don't wanna leave you, I'm not ready, there's still so much..." he cuts himself off with a sob. 

Javier lets out a sob of his own. "I know Kev, I know. I don't want you to go either. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I'm never going to forget you, I promise. You're more than my partner, you're my brother. I love you so much Kevin."

Kevin coughs violently and blood dribbles down his shirt. "I-I love you t-too Javi. I need you to promise me something, okay? Promise me, you won't do anything stupid. I need you to promise me."

"I promise," he sobs.

"J-Javi, I-I love y-you so much. T-thanks for being m-my brother. G-goodbye, Ja-," Kevin's voice is so faint by the end Javier can barely hear him. 

Kevin Ryan's chest struggles to rise once more before it stills forever, the “-vi” slipping off his lips with a final breath.

Javier holds Kevin's arm against his chest and sobs. He leans in and kisses Kevin's forehead before closing those sightless baby blue eyes for one last time. Javier closes his eyes, places his head on Kevin's shoulder and cries, all the while never letting go of his hand. 

 

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." Kevin Ryan's voice announces along with the sound of him slamming the phone back on the cradle in triumph.

Javier's bloodshot eyes snap open in shock, his head rising off his desk, mouth agape.


	2. Chapter 2

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." Kevin Ryan's voice announces along with the sound of him slamming the phone back on the cradle in triumph.

Javier's bloodshot eyes snap open in shock, his head rising off his desk, mouth agape. 

Kevin uses his moment of confusion to snatch the keys. Javier just sits there and stares. "Kevin," he whispers in disbelief.

Kevin, by this point has realized something is amiss. "Hey, bro, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

Javier doesn't say anything, he just stands slowly and comes at his partner on shaky legs, all but collapsing on him in a bone-crushing hug. "You're alive. Oh God, it's really you. Oh, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, my Kevin."

"Javi, you're choking me," coughs Kevin and Javier quickly pulls back.

Taking Kevin's hand in a death grip Javier drags him into an interrogation room and closes the door. 

Kevin's cry of surprise is muffled by Javier wrapping him in another tight hug. "I thought I lost you, Kev."

Kevin pries his partner off him, holding him at arms length, surprised to see Javier crying. "Javi, you're scaring your partner. What's going on? What are you talking about?"

"I just love you so much Kev, and I thought I lost you. I guess it was just a dream, but it just, it felt so real," Javier whispers. 

Javier looks so broken, so Kevin pulls him into his arms and allows him to cry on his shoulder. "Shh, Javi, it was just a dream, I'm okay."

Javier pulls back, wiping a final tear from his eye. "Let's keep this between us. I'm glad you're okay Kevin."

Kevin smiles and opens the door. "Sure bro, but I'm driving."

With that statement Javier breaks out into laughter. "Sure, now give me the keys."

"Uh, no," Kevin says before he sprints towards the elevator with a laugh. 

Javier gives chase as Kevin disappears down the stairs. They reach the parking lot and Javier begins to close the gap between them, but not soon enough. 

"I Win!" Kevin crows triumphantly as he hits the car first. 

Javier slows to a stop beside him with a frown. "You only won because I let you, but I'm feeling generous so yes, you get to drive."

They pull out into heavy Monday Morning rush hour traffic. 

Ryan sighs irritability as a car whizzes by them, practically hopping the curb. "Go back to L.A you idiot!"

A few crazy cabbie dodging, pedestrian weaving filled minutes later they hit gridlock. Ryan bangs his head on the wheel. "Why for the love of God did you let me go this way. At this rate we won't-" a car horn drowns out the rest of his sentence. "Yeah, that light was red! Screw you!"

Esposito chuckles and Ryan turns to look at him. "You wonder why I never let you drive."

Ryan huffs before turning back to the heavy, chaotic traffic as they inch forwards again. "Of all the days, in all the cases, in all the world and you let me drive on this one," he shakes his head with a sigh.

A little over fifteen minutes later Ryan turns on his blinker.

"What are you doing? We're nowhere near Queens yet," asks Esposito with a sinking feeling. 

"There's a spot to get off up ahead, I'm going to take the back way," explains Ryan. 

"NO!" Esposito exclaims, causing Ryan to jump in his seat.

Ryan yanks the car off the road into a nearby parking lot before putting it in park. "What the hell is wrong with you?! You scared my half to death!"

He softens visibly when he sees how shaken Javier is. "What's wrong, Javi?" Kevin asks gently, suddenly feeling very guilty.

Javier whispers shakily. "In my dream, we were heading to Queens when we got into a wreck and you died. I know it's stupid, but it just felt so real."

Kevin's heartstrings pull a bit. "I'm sorry, bro, I didn't know. We don't have to go that way."

Ryan pulls out of the lot, back into the heavy traffic and Esposito lets out a tired sigh. 

They make it to Queens within the hour and park a few blocks from the warehouse their suspect had reportedly gone into.

A few minutes later the uniform who had called it in walks up. "Let me guess, traffic was a bitch, right? Anyway, it seems luck is on our side, your guy is still inside," he thumbs back towards the way he'd came.

Esposito sighs gratefully, convincing Ryan to fight through the traffic hadn't cost them their lead. "Well thank God for small miracles. We've got it from here thanks," they shake hands and the uniform climbs into his cruiser before he pulls away.

Kevin and Javier start making their way back the way the uniform had come from, their guns at the ready. 

They reach the warehouse and taking their positions they count to three before entering. 

Kevin takes point, while Javier follows close behind, watching their six. 

Suddenly gunshots ring out in the air above their heads and Javier tackles Kevin to the ground behind a stack of large wooden crates. 

The air above them is filled with the sounds of gunfire and gun smoke.

Javier swears. "Shit! It's a trap!"

"No! You think!?" Kevin retorts.

The gunfire abruptly ceases so Javier cautiously pokes his head and gun up only to pull it back down quickly as serval bullets just barely miss him. "Okay, as far as I can tell there's three of them, two of them are up in the rafters in front of us, one on your side, one on mine. I don't see our guy though."

Kevin and Javier count to three before they both emerge from their cover and fire off two simultaneous shots. They both duck back down as shots pepper the crate, although not as many: they've both hit their marks.

Javier emerges once more and takes a final shot. The gunfire ceases: he's hit his mark again.

Adrenaline still pumping through his veins, Javier turns around, slamming his back into the wood. "Got him!" He turns to face Kevin, fist out ready to bump fists. "That was a hell of a shot, bro!" 

His smile falters. A pool of crimson steadily grows from underneath Kevin's body. Kevin has slumped against the crate, his gun arm falling to his side. With a cry of alarm Javier drops his gun and applies pressure to Kevin's chest and the hole next to his heart. "No. No, no no. Come on dammit, stay with me Kev!"

Kevin protests weakly, clawing at Javier's hands. "Hurts. Javi, stop it."

Javier doesn't budge as Kevin squirms beneath him. "Shh, I know it hurts but I have to apply the pressure, okay. You're gonna be fine, just let me keep pressure on."

The door to the warehouse bangs open. Javier quickly snaps up his gun, cocks it and points it behind him.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! Don't shoot man, it's me!" The startled uniform exclaims holding his hands up.

Javier drops his gun and brings his hand back to Kevin's chest. "What are you doing here? Thought you left," he asks gruffly, eyes never leaving Kevin's pained blue ones. 

Footsteps approach as he answers. "Heard the gunshots, thought you might need some backup. What the hell happened here?"

"Ambush. Now are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna call an ambulance?"

The uniform catches sight of the large pool of blood surrounding both partners and he pulls out his phone, eyes widening with a gasp.

"Dispatch we have an officer down," he rattles off the address before adding, "please hurry!"

Kevin meanwhile is having trouble keeping his eyes open. "Kevin! Open your eyes for me Kevin! Please Kevin, just stay awake!" Javier begs, lifting his partner's head so he can cradle it in his lap. 

Kevin's eyes struggle to open, but once they are he fixes them on Javier's tearstained cheeks. "J-Javi, I-I'm c-cold," he whispers.

Javier sobs. "Please just hang on, okay. Helps on the way, I know it hurts."

Kevin shakes his head weakly, "no, i-it doesn't. Y-you've s-stopped it from hurting."

Javier closes his eyes as tears slide down his cheeks, sprinkling Kevin's. "You can hang on then, I'm right here with you."

Kevin nods. "J-Javi, t-thanks for everything bro."

Javier shakes his head fiercely. "No. Stop talking like a dead man. You're going to be fine, you hear me!"

A small smile graces Kevin's lips once more as he struggles to take his next breath. "I-I love you, J-javi." 

Javier hears an ambulance screech to a stop and footsteps race towards him. He knows they're too late. Kevin Ryan is dead. His chest heaves once more before he releases his hold on life. His beautiful blue eyes are cloudy sightless pools that stare into Javier's soul.

Javier brings his head down to rest on Kevin's forehead as he holds his body in his arms and cries.

 

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." Kevin Ryan's voice announces along with the sound of him slamming the phone back on the cradle in triumph.

Javier's head snaps up from his desk, eyes wild with panic he rushes past his startled partner and into the bathroom. He turns the water on, splashing water on his face, leaning heavily against it he cries. 


	3. Chapter 3

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." Kevin Ryan's voice announces along with the sound of him slamming the phone back on the cradle in triumph.

Javier's head snaps up from his desk, eyes wild with panic he rushes past his startled partner and into the bathroom. He turns the water on, splashing it on his face, leaning heavily against the sink, he cries. 

The door opens and closes allowing Kevin Ryan access. Kevin comes up behind Javier and places a hand on his shoulder. Javier stiffens under his touch. "Go away," he whispers.

"No, not until you tell me what's wrong, Javi."

Javier shrugs his partner's hand off his shoulders and tries to go around him. Kevin darts in front and crowds him against the wall, placing a hand on either side of his head. "Leave me alone, Ryan! I'm fine," Javier all but growls, refusing to meet his partner's eyes. 

"No. You're not." Kevin refuses to budge. 

Javier mutters under his breath about stubborn ass Irishmen and sighs irritability. "I said I'm fine, Ryan. It's none of your business. Don't we have a suspect to catch?"

"And I said you're not. What's the big deal? Why won't you tell me?" Kevin retorts, angry now. 

"Because you'll think I'm crazy or stupid or weak!" Javier yells, breaking under his partner's blue gaze. 

Kevin starts at the sudden outburst. "Why would I ever think that? You're my partner."

Javier slides down the wall, his strength failing him and Kevin follows, taking Javier's hands in his. "You were dead, Kev. Twice."

"What? What are you talking about, bro? I'm sure I would've remembered dying twice."

"It was a dream," whispers Javier. "Felt so real."

"A dream? Come on, Javi. There must be more going on here than just a dream," replies Kevin.

"Always starts the same way. With your voice. That same sentence. Twice you've said that. Twice we've left. Twice you haven't made it back. Twice you've died in my arms. I've felt you die, Kevin. Twice!" Javier says fiercely, crying again.

Kevin forces Javier to look at him, right in the eyes. "Hey, it's okay. I'm alive, I'm fine. And I'm going to continue to be fine. You know how I know that?"

Javier shakes his head. "Because you're the guy watching my back. You're a damn fine cop, Javier Esposito and you're one hell of a partner. Now come on, let's get this asshole so we can go get drunk after and forget all about this."

Kevin stands and offers Javier his hand. Javier takes it and hugs Kevin tightly.

Kevin leads the way out of the bathroom and towards the elevator. He turns back to face Javier and says, "by the way, I'm driving!" He holds up the keys and shakes them. 

Javier sighs at the immaturity of his partner sometimes before he takes off after Kevin, who squeaks in alarm and bolts down the stairs.

They emerge in the parking lot, laughing and out of breath. "I Win!" Kevin hollers triumphantly.

Javier stops besides him and frowns. "Real mature, bro, but you won fair and square."

Fifteen minutes later. "The light is green! Move it morons!"

Javier props his feet up and grins. "Monday morning rush hour, Kevin. I believe this round goes to me."

"Shut up, Javi!" A car horn blares besides them and the driver flips them off as he careens past them. "Yeah, screw you too!" 

They continue like that for several minutes and Javier is finding it harder and harder to remain in control of himself. When Kevin yells yet another obscenity out the window Javier loses it. 

Kevin turns to face his partner, who is now practically rolling on the ground with laughter, "it's not funny, Javi!" He whines.

"Yes. It is!" Javier laughs before looking out the window. "Holy Shit! Look out!"

Kevin turns back to the road and swears, slamming on the brake. "Jesus Christ!"

The car slams to a halt just in time. The car that had been pulling out in front of them continues to pull out as if nothing had happened. "Watch where you're going next time!" Kevin hollers out the window, laying on his horn. "Get off your damn cell phone!"

The other driver flips him off and if possible pulls out even slower than before.

Kevin reaches for the siren and at the opportune moment flicks it on for a second before turning it back off. 

The reaction is priceless. The driver jumps, drops the phone and yells in alarm. 

Kevin waves and the driver, glaring and most definitely cursing them out, allows them to pass.

Kevin passes carefully, keeping a mask of professionalism on until they're past. That's when they both lose it. The rest of the drive is typical but mostly uneventful. Soon they're out of the major part of city and off the main roads. 

They park a few blocks away from the warehouse and Javier rings the uniform.

The uniform, Officer Morris, arrives a few minutes later. "He's still in there. Luck must be on our side today. Do you want me to head back or hang out here?"

"No thanks, shoul-" the rest of Ryan's dismissal is cut off by Javier wrapping his hand over his mouth.

"That'd be great actually, thanks." 

Officer Morris gives them a strange look but heads over to his car. "I'll be right here then."

Kevin peels Javier's fingers off his mouth. "What the hell, Javi?"

"Kevin, please just go with me on this one. Okay?" Javier looks so sincere that Kevin agrees immediately.

Javier opens their trunk and tosses Kevin his vest, while he starts to slip his own on. 

Kevin gives him a look but slips his vest on as well, tightening the velcro straps until the vest is snug around his chest. Javier straps an extra gun to his thigh and hands Kevin a backup as well. Kevin hesitates but follows the unspoken command none the less. 

Javier also grabs a flashbang before he closes the trunk and motions for Kevin to follow him. 

"Hey, Javier, what are we doing man? We're not going to war here, it's one guy," protests Kevin, grabbing Javier's arm.

Javier turns to face him. "No. It's not one guy. It's more like five or six heavily armed guys."

Kevin stops in his tracks. "What?"

"Look, I know it may seem stupid but I'm not taking any unnecessary risks. In my dream we walk into an ambush. Bullets flying everywhere, at least three guys up in the rafters. That's how you died, Kevin. You got shot and I couldn't save you," with that Javier turns away from his partner and continues towards the warehouse. 

Kevin stands there for an extra moment in shock before hurrying to catch up with his partner. "Javi," he starts.

Javier turns around, cutting him off. "What, Kevin?"

"I just wanted to say thanks."

"For what?" Javier asks confused.

"For all this," Kevin gestures with his arm. "For being the best damn partner a guy could ever ask for."

Javier feels tears forming in his eyes but he blinks them back. "Well you said it, bro. I'm your partner...-"

"That means I'm with you till the wheels fall off," they finish in unison.

Kevin and Javier embrace each other momentarily before pulling back and bumping fists. "Let's kick some ass!"

Kevin pushes the door open just enough so Javier can toss in the flashbang before he pulls it shut again. 

They count down and then breach the premises. Immediately it's a firestorm of gunfire and smoke, but Javier knows where they are. He drops the three guys in the rafters before they reach the stack of crates from his dream.

Silence. Then slow claps. Javier and Kevin stand back to back, turning in a slow circle, looking for the source. With a flash and a bang white smoke begins filling the room.

Their world begins to swirl and spin as they slump against the crate, coughing, before sliding down to the cold cement floor. 

A man wearing a gas mask approaches them and easily disarms them. He pulls Javier away from Kevin and then cuffs Javier with his own cuffs.

The gas begins to dissipate as the guy starts dragging Javier, at gun point, away from his partner.

Kevin, coughing violently still, crawls over to his gun and points it at their attacker from his knees. "Let him go asshole, or so help me God!"

Javier's captor stops in his tracks, glances between the two weakened partners before he raises Javier's gun and fires off three quick shots.

"NOO!" Javier bellows.

Things slow way down as Javier watches the bullets sluggishly make their way towards their mark: Kevin Ryan.

He struggles, but it's like moving in syrup. He can only watch as all three bullets hit their marks, spraying red mist: the first ripping through Kevin's midsection, just below the vest. The second through Kevin's neck and the third lodges itself in Kevin's shoulder as he falls back, spraying blood.

Kevin's body falls to the concrete, his head bouncing off the ground with a sickening thud, his gun clattering away from him.

Javier knows he can't do anything. Even if he gets to Kevin it'll be too late. But that doesn't matter. He thrashes desperately, throwing himself towards Kevin's body and the ever growing pool of blood. The butt of his gun slams into his temple and he drops like a stone. As things start to fade his eyes land on Kevin and the too blue eyes that see nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

For the third time in a row, Javier Esposito lifts his head to hear Kevin Ryan say,  "I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

Javier grabs the keys and says. "Yo, Kevin, I gotta visit the men's room before we leave. If there's anything you wanna do before we leave I'd suggest doing it now. You know what traffic is gonna be like."

Kevin snaps his fingers and points at him. "You, are a genius my friend. I'll go make us a few coffees to go then I'll hit the bathroom as well."

Javier grabs a piece of paper before he enters the bathroom. He closes himself in a stall and begins writing furiously. When he's finished he puts the note on Kevin's desk. Laying eyes on his partner moving about the break room, Javier makes his way discreetly to the stairs before he slips through the door into the stairwell. Javier pauses for an extra heartbeat, memorizing his partner's features, before he turns and dashes down the stairs.

Javier jumps in their car and jets off. He turns on the siren and blazes through the streets of early morning Brooklyn. Once he's off the main roads and heading towards the less crowded part of Queens he slows to just over the speed limit and turns the siren off.

He's about a mile away from the warehouse when his phone starts vibrating in the cupholder. He glances at the screen already knowing what it reads: Call from Kevin Ryan.

He ignores it and soon Kevin's voice rings through the car as he leaves a very pissed off, very concerned message, that interestingly enough turns into Spanish slang in an Irish accent. Javier didn't think that was possible.

Javier soon arrives at his destination and radios Officer Morris, who shows a few minutes later. "Damn, dude. You got here fast."

Kevin calls yet again at that moment and starts to leave yet another pissed off message in Spanish slang with an Irish accent.

Javier turns off his phone with a frown. 

Officer Morris gives him a look. "I take it you're flying solo on this one then. You two get into a fight?"

Javier gives him a pissed look of his own before saying. "I wish. Our guy still in there?"

"Yep. You want me to hang out here or-" 

"No," Javier interrupts. "I want you to get the hell outta dodge. You did good."

Officer Morris appears startled at the abrupt dismissal, but does as instructed. Javier watches the car get smaller until it turns a corner and vanishes from sight. 

Javier checks the clip in his service weapon before he holsters it. Popping the trunk he pulls his vest on, he puts Kevin's on the ground. Javier also grabs a gas mask and a flashbang before he slips a piece in his sock and closes the trunk. He leaves the keys and his phone, now turned back on and on low, on the trunk with Kevin's vest.

He reaches the door, tosses in the flashbang and counts down before he breaches the premises alone. Javier again, takes out the three guys in the rafters easily. He reaches the crates and slips on the gas mask just before the smoke begins filling the room. This time the man waits until the smoke has cleared, considering it's only Javier, before he approaches, Javier slips the gas mask off and slumps to the ground, hiding the mask.

The man approaches and Javier allows him to disarm him and cuff him. As the man begins to drag him across the cement floor Javier remains as though he's under the full effects of the smoke. 

Suddenly the door to the warehouse bursts open. Javier, forgetting to pretend looks towards the door. His captor does the same and Javier lets out a slew of cursing in Spanish. 

Kevin.

Kevin raises his gun and fires at about the same time Javier's captor does. Javier drops to the cement as Kevin's bullet finds it's mark. He doesn't see his where his captor's bullet ends up. Kevin races up to him and falls to his knees beside him. He fishes the key out of Javier's pocket as he sits up and unlocks the cuffs. 

Javier rubs his raw wrists and is about to thank his partner when Kevin's fist connects with his face. "HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST IT!?"

"Hey!" Javier yells, his hand flying up to his cheek. 

"Just What In The Hell Were You Doing? Trying To Get Yourself Killed!? Do You All Of A Sudden Have A Death Wish I Don't Know About?" Kevin yells at him, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Do you have any idea what the hell you just did to me," he whispers.

Javier's building anger vanishes, just like that. He pulls his partner into a tight hug as Kevin cries on his shoulder. "Do you have any idea what I'd do if I lost you?"

Javier nods. "I know Kevin, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispers.

Kevin pulls back, tears still falling. "You do not know Javier. If I lost you...I-" he breaks off and sucks in a pained breath, pressing a hand to his stomach, just below the vest.

His hand comes back covered in blood. The same blood that is all over Javier's vest and Kevin's shirt. Kevin collapses in Javier's arms, the pain and blood loss overwhelming him as the adrenaline fades.

Javier swears profusely in Spanish as he maneuvers Kevin onto his back across his lap. Hands shaking he pulls Kevin's vest off revealing the bloodstained pale blue dress shirt underneath. Javier fumbles with the buttons as he unbuttons the shirt, slowly revealing Kevin's pale, toned chest and shoulders. Javier finally reaches the last button, his hands by now, sticky with Kevin's blood. 

Underneath the shirt, Kevin's midsection is a bloody mess. Javier helps Kevin out of his shirt before he wads it up to use as a makeshift compress.

Javier applies pressure as he cradles Kevin in his arms. He doesn't make any attempt to get to his phone. He knows it'll be too late. He's always too late. Instead, he holds Kevin and strokes his hair, keeping him company as he dies, yet again in his arms.

Kevin slowly worsens, his entire body is coated in sweat before he starts hyperventilating. Javier has been crying since Kevin had fallen into his arms, but when he realizes there's only minutes left he let's out a sob. 

Javier has stopped all of Kevin's attempts at talking. He doesn't want to say goodbye again. It hurts too damn much. 

"J-Javi, I-I'm c-cold," Kevin whispers.

Javier sobs again as Kevin begins to shake in his arms. "I know, Kev. It won't hurt much longer. It's almost over. I promise," he says as he presses his lips to Kevin's sweaty forehead.

"I-I love y-you, J-Javi," he whispers.

Kevin grabs Javier's hand and squeezes it as Javier replies. "I love you too, Kevin," he whispers.

Kevin's pain filled eyes meet Javier's a second before his heart stops beating. Kevin's eyes dim, the sparkle leaving them, no longer seeing. His hand falls from Javier’s, landing in the blood that pools around him. Javier lifts Kevin's body up closer to his chest and cries into his hair, sticky with blood from Javier’s hands.

He closes his eyes and waits to hear for the fourth time. "I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 


	5. Chapter 5

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

Javier groans as he grabs his keys. He tosses them to Kevin. "You drive."

Kevin easily catches them and gives him a surprised look. "Not that I'm complaining, but you never let me drive. Are you feeling alright, bro?"

Javier waves his partner's concern off. "No, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Let's go, before I change my mind."

Kevin gives him one last long look before he practically skips to the elevator. Javier follows more slowly, dragging his feet. 

What would normally be hysterical right off the bat, that being Kevin trying to navigate Monday morning rush hour traffic in Brooklyn, Javier mostly ignores. He's going over everything that's happened the last three times, trying to figure out something, anything.

All too soon they pull up to the alleyway a few blocks from the warehouse. Kevin reaches for the radio to call the Officer who called it in, but Javier grabs his hand. 

Kevin looks at him. "Hey, wha-."

Javier interrupts him. "Just listen to me. What I'm about to tell you is gonna sound absolutely crazy. But the longer I talk the more it's gonna make sense, so just shut up and listen. Can you do that for me, Kevin?" Kevin nods, so Javier continues. "You're going to call that Officer, let him know we're here. He'll show up a few minutes later, it'll be Officer Morris. He'll probably make a comment about traffic. Then he'll say luck must be on our side, because our guy is still in there. He'll ask if he should wait here or head back. We're gonna tell him to drive a few blocks and then hang out. Now, you're going to call him now and after we've sent him on his way you're going to listen again."

Javier lets go of Kevin's hand and allows him to pick up the radio. Kevin, although caught off guard by his partner's weird behavior can't resist his curiosity. They get out of their car and wait. 

Sure enough Officer Morris jogs up no more than three minutes later. "You guys come this way from the precinct?" Kevin nods, Morris whistles. "Damn, Monday morning at 7 in Brooklyn? Traffic must've been fun on the way here. Well, no matter, luck must be on our side today, your guy hasn't budged."

"Must be," comments Kevin, barely able to keep his amazement in check. 

"So, you guys want me to hang out here or head back?"

Javier takes over at this point. "No, that's fine, you did good." Morris starts towards his car. "On second thought, you wanna hang out a few blocks away, just in case all hell breaks loose?"

Officer Morris gives them a long look but nods. "No problem. You're the Detective after all."

"You're a good man, Morris," Javier says as said Officer climbs into his car and pulls out.

The instant he's out of view Kevin practically attacks Javier. "How in the hell did you know that was gonna happen? Why won't you tell anything? Why did we send him a few blocks away? What aren't you telling me? And what the hell is going on?"

"Woah! Woah! Down boy," Javier chuckles, despite the situation. 

"I'm not laughing Javier! What in the hell is goin' on, bro?" Kevin retorts.

"If we go in there like this you won't walk back out, in fact I'm pretty sure I won't either. There's gonna be three heavily armed shooters up in the rafters. All hell’s gonna break loose the minute we enter, you'll get hit and you'll die." Kevin opens his mouth, but Javier cuts him off. "I know what you're about to say. If we go in with our vests, extra guns and a flashbang we'll take out the shooters but we'll be incapacitated by smoke. We'll be easily disarmed and I'll be dragged away in cuffs, you'll try and stop them and you'll get shot and killed. If I go in there alone armed to the hilt, with my vest and a flashbang and a gas mask, I'll take out the three guys, pretend to be gassed and I'll allow myself to be captured but at that point you'll come in and get a shot off.You'll take out my captor, but not he kills you too. Everytime you die all I have to do is close my eyes and when I open them we'll be in the precinct and you'll be putting that phone down." Javier takes a deep breath, turning away from his partner ever so slightly. "No matter what I do I can never save you. I've felt you die, watched you die, and I haven't been able to do a damn thing about it. So, you've got two choices. Either you do as I say, no matter how crazy it sounds, or I do this by myself and make sure you can't follow. I can't keep watching you die."

Kevin stands there in shock for the longest time. "Javier Esposito, you're completely out of your mind. But, I guess that makes me crazy too. What's the plan?"

Javier smiles slightly before he explains his plan. "So? Am I insane?"

Kevin nods. "Oh, most definitely. But it's so crazy, it might just work," he pauses for a second and frowns. "Just one question: How exactly do you plan to do that while you're in cuffs?" 

Javier grins and climbs back into the car for a second. He pops open the glove compartment and pulls out a brown paper bag. "Way ahead of you," he tosses Kevin the bag. 

Kevin reaches inside and pulls the bag away before he looks at his partner with a look of disbelief. "Why in the hell do you just have these laying around?" Kevin, now holds a pair of fake police cuffs, like one might find in a kids toy kit.

Javier gives Kevin a suggestive look, waggling his eyebrows. "Why the quick release of course."

Kevin gives him a look and quickly hands Javier the cuffs back, an odd look on his face, somewhere between grossed out and curious.

Javier pulls his police cuffs and replaces them with the fake cuffs.

They finish their preparations and Javier leads the way towards the warehouse. Javier puts his hand on the door, ready to open it and toss the flashbang but Kevin grabs his wrist. Javier turns to face his partner in time to receive a tight hug. When they pull away, they both have tears shining in their eyes. "I just want you to know that you're the best damn partner a guy could ask for and it's been an honor to be yours."

Javier pulls Kevin into another quick hug. "Same to you, bro. Same to you."

Javier opens the door, tosses in the flashbang, gives his partner a thumbs up and breaches.

Again he takes out the three guys in the rafters easily before slipping on his gas mask at the last possible moment. He slips it off just in time, slipping it out of sight. The events continue on as they had the last few times, but with a few major differences. Javier allows his captor to drag him across the warehouse. His captor stops and Javier looks up ever so slightly to see Kevin perched in one of the windows positioned up near the ceiling. Javier's eyes meet Kevin's and he mouths silently. "Three, two, one...."

Javier presses the quick release on the cuffs with his thumb and grabs the gun in his sock, springing away from his captor. He lands, rolls and spins around, coming up on his knees, his gun pointing at his captor's chest. His captor, although surprised had recovered quickly and had his gun pointed between Javier's eyes. 

"NYPD! Put the gun down! Now!" Javier commands sternly.

"By the time you shoot, I'll have already pulled the trigger and put a bullet in your head," sneers his captor.

"Unless my partner drops you first," retorts Javier with a smirk.

His captor visibly wavers but only for a second. "You're bluffing."

A bullet hits the cement between his feet and the man glances up momentarily. "Next time, I won't miss. Drop your weapon and get on the ground with your hands on your head." Kevin orders from his position in the window.

For the first time the guy looks sincerely rattled. "We got you now, you son of a bitch," whispers Javier, mostly to himself.

The guy raises his hands in the air slowly and Javier feels a weight begin to lift off his shoulders. Javier keeps his gun trained on the guy, knowing that he's a hell of a shot as well as he approaches. 

Then all hell breaks loose. The guy tightens his grip on his gun and fires a round straight into Javier's foot before he turns and books around a stack of crates. Javier howls in pain and goes down hard, his gun skidding away from him. Kevin, although not exactly as prepared to take his shot as he normally would've been, manages to send a bullet into their suspect's shoulder. The guy stumbles, goes down but is right back on his feet. He manages to find cover and Javier takes the moment to crawl over to his gun. 

Their guy emerges a few seconds later, a gun in his right hand. He appears to be surrendering, now that he's been hit.Kevin trains the gun on him, his eyes glued to his hands through the scope on his rifle. Kevin almost misses it, but by the time their guy has the gun leveled at Javi, his finger squeezes his trigger a second before their suspect does.

Kevin's shot hits him dead center in the chest, but as he falls back a grin spreads across his face. As Javier and Kevin watch the gun falls out of his hand, releasing the trigger. The gun hits the cement floor with a thud. And the whole warehouse explodes.

Javier wakes to a hand shaking his shoulder, a burning throat, a shot foot and a splitting headache. "Kev....?" He moans, trying to open his eyes. 

"No, Detective. It's Officer Morris. I still haven't found your partner. What the hell happened here?" The hand answers.

The instant, "I still haven't found your partner," reaches Javier's ears, his eyes snap open and he sits up with a groan.

Officer Morris helps him to his feet and Javier waves him off. "Get outta here, go get help. I'll find Kevin."

Officer Morris hesitates but decides not to argue with Javier Esposito when it comes to his partner. He turns and weaves his way through the debris to the door.

Javier picks his way, carefully through the burning wreckage, coughing as he calls for his partner.

Javier catches sight of a bright blue, although sooty, smoldering tie and scrambles, best he can, over. His heart catches in his throat as his eyes follow the tie to it's owner, it's dead owner: Kevin Ryan.

Kevin stares up at him with, although cloudy and sightless, dazzling blue eyes that stand out from his sooty, blood covered face. A fine layer of soot covers all of Kevin's face, hiding the normally ivory skin. Blood cuts trails in the soot from the corner of his mouth and the large gash on his head. His clothes are practically nonexistent and what remains is in smoldering, tatters. Kevin's skin is littered with tiny scratches from debris and a large wooden beam, wet with Kevin's blood, points at Javier from where it emerged through Kevin's chest.

Javier sits down besides his partner's body among the smoldering wreckage and cries as rain begins to fall. He looks up at the sky through a gaping hole in the roof and hollers his rage and grief, letting the rain fall down his cheeks, mixing with his salty tears. "WHY?! WHY CAN'T I SAVE HIM?! WHAT DID HE DO TO DESERVE THIS? WHAT DID I? IF THIS IS SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT FOR SOMETHING I'VE DONE, DON'T PUNISH HIM! PUNISH ME!" Javier's voice cracks as he whispers, "why can't I save him?"

Javier closes his eyes as a chunk of ceiling falls towards him. "Why...."


	6. Chapter 6

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

A few hours later Javier sits in defeat beside his dying partner, holding his hand in comfort while his life drains out of him in an unforgiving crimson tide.

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

Kevin's eyes meet Javier's, his mouth in the shape of an o, a second before he collapses, a round bullet hole in his forehead, he's dead before he hits the ground. 

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

They head in with SWAT backing them up every step of the way. The warehouse explodes. Two fatalities: The scumbag and NYPD Homicide Detective Kevin Ryan.

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

Kevin lays dead at Javier's feet, his body riddled with bloody holes where the bullets ripped through his body. 

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago."

Kevin smiles at him before his hand slips from Javier's grip and falls into the pool of blood that surrounds him.

"I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago." 

"Hey, bro I'm not feeling so hot all of a sudden. What if we get Karpowski and her partner to go check it out," suggests Javier, ignoring the twinge of guilt. 

Kevin studies him for a moment before calling across the bullpen. "Yo, Karpowski! My partner here just crapped out on me and I just got a fresh lead. He thinks he can get you to check it out for us. Is he right?"

Karpowski looks up from her desk and exchanges a look with her partner before they rise to their feet. "Hope you didn't bet him any money! Where we heading?"

A few hours later Karpowski walks in with her arm in a sling and tears in her eyes, her partner does not. She walks straight over to them and slugs Javier in the jaw. Javier makes no move to defend himself, nor any words in protest.

Kevin stares at them as Karpowski walks away. He gives Javier a teary look of disbelief.

They both drive home that night with their dress blues ready for the next morning. Javier gets a call around nine. Kevin was hit by a drunk driver, he's being rushed to the hospital. Javier growls in frustration before speeding to the hospital. Javier paces around the waiting room after scaring a few people half death, nearly tearing his hair out.

The doctor finally calls for the, "Family of Kevin Ryan," and Javier springs to his feet. "And you are?"

"Javier Esposito. Where is he? Is he okay? I have to see him!"

"Mr. Espo-," the poor unsuspecting doctor starts."Detective. Detective Javier Esposito," Javier snarls, nearly shoving his badge down the guys throat. "Detective Kevin Ryan's partner of five years. He is my brother and I need to see him right now. Don't you dare pull the family only card on me!"

"Detective Esposito, sorry," the doctor apologizes quickly, swallowing hard. "Ummm, there's something you need to know...."

Javier opens the door to Kevin's room and closes it quietly. The sight inside breaks his heart. Kevin is laying so still in the bed. His skin, what he can see of it, is deathly pale. Bandages and bruises cover his body, a maze of wires and tubes connect him to an army of machines. 

Javier sits beside him and grabs his head, the doctor's words replaying in his mind. "I'm so sorry, but, Detective Ryan suffered extreme head trauma in the accident. We did all we could and managed to get him stabilized enough to be on life support, but I'm afraid that's all that's keeping him alive. I'm sorry to say that, Kevin Ryan is brain dead."

Javier kisses Kevin's hand and forehead before he reaches over, closes his eyes and flips off the switch. The beep and swish of the life support machines slowly die away, leaving only the sound of the heart monitor before it too slows and becomes one continous beep.

Javier turns the monitor off, locks the door and returns to his seat. He grabs Kevin's already cooling hand and lays his head on Kevin's chest. He closes his eyes and cries.

Javier jerks upright Kevin's voice ringing in his head. "I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago."

He whips around confusion filling him as he realizes he's in his bed, not the 12th. With a cry of alarm Javier realizes last time might've been real. Kevin could be.... He could've killed his partner.... Javier's eyes land on the dress blues hanging on the outside of his closet and icy fingers grip his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Javier jerks upright Kevin's voice ringing in his head. "I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago."

He whips around confusion filling him as he realizes he's in his bed, not the 12th. With a cry of alarm Javier realizes last time might've been real. Kevin could be.... He could've killed his partner.... Javier's eyes land on the dress blues hanging on the outside of his closet and icy fingers grip his heart.

He brings his knees up to his chest and rocks slightly whispering, "he's not dead. He's not dead. He's not dead. Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. Kevin's fine. Kevin's fine. Kevin's fine. He's not dead. He's not dead, " over and over. Praying with all his might that it's true. 

KNOCK KNOCK

Javier startles at a knock on his door. "Who's there?" He manages to call out, eyes squeezed shut, fingers crossed, mouth moving in silent prayer.

"It's me! Remember? You asked me to pick you up this morning because your car is still in the shop," as soon as the voice had started to reply Javier had thrown himself out of bed, towards the door. "Hey you wanna let me i-OOF!" Javier whips open the door and practically tackles Kevin Ryan.

"KEVIN!" Ryan staggers back from Javier’s sudden weight. "You're Alive!"

Javier disengages himself from Kevin and drags him inside the apartment, pushing him into a chair at the table. 

Javier sits in the chair next to him, never letting go of Kevin's hands.

Kevin chuckles to himself and shakes his head in wonder at his partner. "Hey, how hard did you hit your head, man?"

Javier frowns, confused. "Hit my head?"

Kevin's voice takes on a concerned tone. "You don't remember?"

Javier thinks back but all he can remember is how many times he's watched Kevin die. He shakes his head. "Refresh my memory."

"You got into an accident. Drunk driver. 3 days ago. You walked out with only a minor concussion. You're car is still in the shop. You asked me to pick you up on the way in this morning if we caught a case," explains Kevin.

Javier vaguely recalls events but they seem like a dream. He nods. "Right, I remember though. Sorry, bad dream."

Kevin smiles softly at his partner. "Is that what that enthusiastic greeting was about?" Javier looks away ashamed. Kevin forces him to look at him. "If that’s a yes, I won't think any less of you, Javi."

Javier nods slowly and starts to tell Kevin everything that had happened but he stops. "Yeah, sorry about all that. You said we caught a case?"

Kevin gives him a long look but decides Javier will tell him if anythings wrong when he feels ready to and not a moment sooner. "Yeah. Got the call. Body's over on 54th."

Javier stands, shaking off his dream. "Should we head over there then?"

Kevin remains seated and gives his partner a grin. "Sure, but clothes might be a good idea."

Javier mentally smacks himself before he walks towards his bedroom. "Right, give me five seconds."

Kevin smiles and chuckles to himself. Not many people knew this side of his partner. Most only saw the hardened exterior. The former soldier turned New York City cop. 

Javier emerges a minute or two later and holds out his hand. Kevin sighs and drops the keys into Javier's hands with a sigh. "Same old, Javi. You wanna stop for breakfast or at least coffee on the way?"

Javier nods. "I thought you'd never ask," he says as they make their way down to the parking lot. "You said the body's on 54th?" Kevin nods. Javier mentally traces the route there and then to the precinct. "We might as well wait until we're heading back to the 12th."

Kevin nods. "That's what I was thinking too." They reach their car and Javier climbs into the driver's seat. They begin weaving their way through traffic in silence.

Kevin makes a comment once they're almost there. "That wasn't so painful. Could've been worse. But then again, it's what, almost 10 on a Friday?"

Javier nods then it sinks in. "What did you say?"

"About traffic?"

"No, the date. What is today again?" Javier asks, urgently.

"Umm," Kevin checks his watch. "Friday, the 12th of June. Why?"

Javier's heart skips a beat as he flashes back to the first time Kevin had died. The date had been Monday, June 15th.

Kevin says his name again. "Javi?"

Javier turns to look at him, shaking his head. "Sorry, I just figured something out."

Kevin gives Javier another strange look as they climb out and make their way over to Lanie and the body.

Lanie spots them heading her way and stands, peeling her gloves off, she meets them and wraps Esposito in a hug. "Welcome back Javi! How's your head?"

Esposito pulls back with a smile. "Fine. Thanks Lanie. What have we got?"

Ryan grumbles beside them and Lanie smacks the side of his head lightly. "Good morning to you too, Kevin."

"Not if you're our vic," prompts Esposito again.

Lanie gives him a look. "Okay, jeez. Your vic is Thomas Washburn. I'm putting time of death at around three this morning."

"Cause of Death?"

"Based on the amount of blood, I'd say severe blood loss. Whether it's from the gun shot in his leg or the blunt force trauma to his head or both I'm not sure yet. Lack of other bruising on the body suggests there wasn't much of a struggle. Officer Morris is over there with a witness," Lanie gestures with her pen behind her as preparations are made to get the body back to the morgue.

Esposito freezes at the name, but shakes it off as he follows Ryan over to speak with him.

Officer Morris turns to face them. "Mr. Matthews, I'd like you to meet Detectives Esposito and Ryan. Detectives, this is David Matthews. Mr. Matthews, do you mind telling them what you told me."

"I think I know who the killer is," their witness replies.

"You better come down with us to the Precinct," says Ryan.

A little over twenty minutes later the three of them are sitting down to talk in one of the secluded conference rooms in the 12th.

"So, Mr. Matthews, how did you happen across the body?"

"I cut across the alley occasionally on my way to the parking garage I use a block or so from my job."

"You told us at the crime scene that you thought you knew who the killer is, why do you think that?" Ryan asks, jotting down notes in his notepad.

"I saw him. He was rummaging through his pockets when I exited, he bolted and took off in a CLS-550. I didn't catch the license plates but I did see his face, just for a moment before the night swallowed him whole."

Ryan and Esposito exchange a glance, what could've easily been a double homicide, no witness nightmare looks like it's instead going to be an open-and-shut case. "Do you think if we sit you down with a sketch artist you'd be able to describe him?"

"I most definitely can, Detectives. Anything I can do to help."

A little over five minutes later Esposito and Ryan sit on their desks, facing the murder board while Mr. Matthews describes their suspect to the sketch artist in the conference room across the bullpen. 

A little over thirty minutes later LT escorts Mr. Matthews out while their sketch artist prints them off a copy of the sketch. Ryan picks the sketch up off the printer and slaps the sketch on the murder board.

Esposito catches sight of it and his mind begins filling in details and color. His blood runs cold in his veins: he knows this man. 


	8. Chapter 8

Ryan picks the sketch up off the printer and slaps the sketch on the murder board.

Esposito catches sight of it and his mind begins filling in details and color. His blood runs cold in his veins: he knows this man. 

Esposito freezes, his gaze locked on the sketch of the man who has been haunting his dreams, the man who stole Kevin away from him every single time. He stands frozen as he stares at the face of Kevin's killer.

"I'm gonna send this out to Uniforms across the state. Our vic may have been killed here in Brooklyn, but his killer might be from closer to home, that being Queens," Ryan says, picking up his phone. "Hey, bro? Are you okay?"

Esposito blinks and shakes his head." Yeah, yeah, no I'm fine. This guy, he just reminds me of my dream, one of the guys looked like him. Guess it just threw me for a loop."

Ryan puts the phone down and comes over to rub a comforting hand on Esposito's back. "Hey, bro. It was just a dream, alright? I'm fine and I'm going to continue to be and that's because you're the guy watching my back." Ryan squeezes Espo's shoulder in a half, one arm hug before he returns to his phone to spread the word.

After that they begin the slow process of going through financials and phones for their vic. As they work, the bullpen slowly empties out and at 9, they decide to call it a night.

Javier allows Kevin to drive, he knows he'd be unable to focus on driving. Kevin pulls into a parking spot and Javier gets out automatically.

Once he's out of the car he takes in his surroundings in confusion. "Why are we at your place, Kevin?"

Kevin climbs out of the car and locks it behind them. "Because, I'm worried about you and I can tell you're worried about me. I figured we'd both sleep easier if we knew the other was okay."

Kevin walks away towards the building and Javier jogs after him a moment later, a smile trying to form on his face.

Kevin waves to the doorman and leads Javier up 3 flights of stairs. It wasn't that his building didn't have an elevator, it was more, it had exactly one elevator. Even at 9:30 at night the odds of the elevator being faster than the stairs, not so good.

Kevin unlocks the door to his apartment and leads Javier inside. He drops the keys on the stand near the door as Javier slips his shoes off. 

Javier follows Kevin into the living room, Kevin motions towards the fridge. "There should be some MuShu pork and a few egg rolls in the fridge, your beers are...."

"In the bottom drawer on the left. I got it," finishes Javier, on his way to the fridge.

Kevin heads into his bedroom to change. 

Javier pulls out the said Chinese leftovers and a beer for each of them and warms up the food in the microwave. It occurs to Javier while the food warms up that he has nothing to wear. 

The microwave beeps, so Javier exchanges the MuShu pork for the egg rolls before he heads towards Kevin's bedroom. The door is slightly ajar so he heads inside.

Kevin is just making his way out of the bathroom, in the process of pulling his shirt off when Javier walks in.

Kevin jumps upon seeing Javier, who in turn turns an interesting shade of red. He mutters an apology and backs out of the room. It wasn't as if they hadn't seen each other shirtless before, it was more, less unexpected and private. 

Kevin walks out a few moments later in a pair of dark blue pajama pants and a light blue tee. Both men stare at each other semi uncomfortably before Kevin breaks the ice. He tosses Javier a pair of dark green pajama pants and a dark olive tee shirt. "These should fit, or at least come close."

Javier catches the clothes and walks past Kevin towards the spare bed and half bath to change. 

Kevin pulls the egg rolls out of the microwave and separates the food onto two plates before he carries them out to the coffee table in front of his red roadkill couch. He returns to the bar countertop that separates the kitchen from the living room and retrieves the beers. Then he grabs the TV remote as well as both Xbox remotes, just in case.

Javier emerges and sits beside Kevin on the couch, picking up his plate. Kevin turns on the TV and flips through the channels, he settles on a show called 'The Librarians' and they sit in silence as they eat.

The episode finishes just as they finish their meals, Kevin clears the coffee table of their mess and returns with two more beers and a bowl of chips and dip. He turns the Xbox on and within minutes all thoughts of the case, dreams and Javier's odd behavior fade. 

They call it a night around 11:30 and bid each other goodnight before they retire to the two separate bedrooms in Kevin's modest New York apartment.

Javier tosses and turns in bed, he just can't seem to fall asleep, he doesn't want to wake up hearing Kevin's voice ringing in his head again. "I've got him! A Uniform spotted him heading into an abandoned warehouse in Queens about ten minutes ago."

Javier sits upright in bed and closes his eyes, laying out the facts in his mind. Fact 1: He's been dreaming of his partner's death over and over again. Fact 2: The day, Monday, June 15th always starts with that same sentence. Fact 3: Today is Saturday the 13th of June. Fact 4: Their suspect is the man from Javier’s dreams. Fact 5: Their vic lived in Queens, Kevin had sent photos of the sketch out that way. Fact 6: Kevin always dies before Midnight on Monday.

"This case is the key, solve the case, find everything out before Monday morning, keep Kevin alive until after Midnight on Monday," he whispers to himself. 

Javier gets out of bed, throws on his clothes, collects his belongings and writes a quick note to Kevin, which he leaves on the kitchen table with the pajamas. Javier opens the door to Kevin's apartment and glances back once before he slips out and down the stairs. Javier calls a cab and stands in the doorway to Kevin's building while he waits.

The cab arrives and within 10-15 minutes, so at 3:45am Javier is pulling open the door to the 12th Precinct’s building. 

Javier pulls the murder board in front of their desks, makes himself an extra large, extra strong cup of coffee and gets to work.

Ryan arrives at 6:45, two large coffees in his hand. He stops abruptly upon catching sight of the area around their desks, papers are spread out in a large circle, both desk trash cans are overflowing with balled up papers and beer cans. Sticky notes are everywhere, on stacks of paperclipped papers, hanging off the side of the murder board and on files. In the middle of it all sits his partner, a phone in between his shoulder and his ear, another emitting a busy signal.

Ryan goes into the break room to find empty coffee supplies everywhere. He sets the two coffees he'd brought on the table before exiting. He catches sight of Karpowski and waves her over.

She sees him and relief washes over her, she hurries over and pulls Ryan back into the breakroom. "About time you got here."

"What's going on? How long has he been here?" Ryan asks urgently.

Karpowski glances between Ryan and the mess surrounding Esposito. "Not sure. I got here around 5:30 and he was already neck deep. Since then he's had anyone he can catch running around helping and a good ten more coffees."

"What's this all about?" Ryan asks, somewhat in disbelief.

"The hell if I know. Nobody can get a word in edgewise without getting snarled at, either that or mumbled nonsense. I think it might have something to do with your guys' case. You gotta talk to him Ryan. I mean, he's worse than Beckett."

Ryan nods. "I'll go talk to him. Thanks, Karpowski."

Ryan walks out of the breakroom, conscious of many eyes on him. He approaches Esposito who, is no longer on any of the phones, and taps his shoulder.

Esposito jumps and Ryan takes a step back. "Woah there, partner. It's just me. What's going on?"

Esposito struggles to his feet and gives Ryan an enthusiastic smile. "I found him, Ryan. I found him," then he gives Ryan a big hug. "I saved you," he whispers into Ryan's shoulder. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I've decided that it's only going to have 1 ending which will come in chapter 10 aka the next and last chapter.  
> Also if you don't like Rysposito being together together here's your last chance exit and warning

_Esposito struggles to his feet and gives Ryan an enthusiastic smile. "I found him, Ryan. I found him," then he gives Ryan a big hug. "I saved you," he whispers into Ryan's shoulder._

Kevin pulls back and holds Javier's shoulders at arms length. "Saved me? Found who? What's going on with you, bro?"

Javier's smile drops a little and he drags Kevin into an empty interrogation room, closing the door he starts pacing the room, muttering while Kevin sits in the edge of the table. "He'll think I'm crazy, it won't matter if I save him if he won't be my partner anymore, I'll have to transfer. On the other hand-"

"On the other hand, you already sound a little crazy. Besides we've been working the last four almost five years with Richard Castle, in that time we've been thrown out of a casino twice in one day, dressed up like Elvis, faced 3XK three times, dressed up as college kids, betted on murder cases, dealt with vampires, zombies, aliens, the FBI, buried treasure, aliens, being tortured by Lockwood," he pauses as they both shudder a little.

"Homeland Security, a dirty bomb, helping Beckett and Castle solve a case on the opposite side of the country, losing Captain Montgomery, almost losing Beckett," again he pauses and they both take a moment.

"Gaining Captain Gates, missing bodies and heads, saving Castle and Beckett how many times, a case from the 40s, conspiracies, fairytales, Detective Slaughter, Beckett's sniper, our fight," Kevin pauses again and a mixture of emotion, mostly regret crosses Javier's face.

"Yeah, about that," starts Javier. "I don't know if I've ever told you, but that fight is one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I'm sorry."

Kevin smiles understandingly at his partner. "I know, bro. It's all good, but we got through it and more. Figuring out Castle and Beckett finally got together, supernova con, making a movie, Santa Claus, Alexis' kidnapping, a haunted dvd, both our pasts, Castle's surprise birthday, Bigfoot, the bomb Beckett stepped on, Castle and Beckett getting engaged and losing them both to the Attorney General's office. We've been through so much craziness and danger these past years. What could you tell me that’s crazier and what could make me not believe you. I'm your partner," he says.

"That means I'm with you till the wheels fall off," they both finish in unison and laugh.

Javier takes a deep breath. "I'm talking about my dreams, Kev. The ones I told you about yesterday. Ever since the accident." 

It had slowly all come back to him, the accident, the hospital, Kevin insanely worried while driving him home after, Kevin keeping him up all night playing Madden, going to sleep the next night, then the terrifying time loop of dreams, he tells Kevin all this.

He doesn't go into too much detail about the dreams, just the importance of certain information.

By the end of his tale he's crying, not even trying to hold it in. The two partners have also come into each others personal space, with Kevin's back still pressed against the metal table.

Kevin gazes at him sympathetically. "Ohh, Javi." Then Javier does something that surprises them both. He reaches out, grabs Kevin's cheeks and presses his lips against Kevin's.

Kevin remains frozen for a second, mostly in shock before he returns the kiss wrapping his arms around Javier's upper back and chest, pulling him in closer til their bodies touch, Javier's legs slipping in between Kevin's. Javier pushes Kevin down on the table and continues kissing him.

In the end the need for air is what breaks then apart, cheeks flushed, hair mussed, clothes wrinkled, panting.

Javier pulls Kevin up and hugs him, laying his head on his shoulder. "Let's send that sketch out to Queens and then head home, take a sick day or two or three."

 

A few hours later Kevin kicks Javier's door shut and allows Javier to shove him up against the wall, attacking his lips with a kiss. Javier gives Kevin enough space to do so, so Kevin jumps up and wraps his legs around Javier's waist, Javier's arms wrapping around him to keep him up they stagger to the bedroom.

Javier promptly drops Kevin on the bed and strips his shirt off, Kevin doing the same, their shoes go next and then Javier climbs into bed and leans his back against the headboard, Kevin crawls over to him and they kiss.

Javier doesn't care if all they do is make out like horny teenagers, all he cares about is that Kevin is safe in his arms. 

Apparently Kevin has other ideas, he moves a hand down to Javier's pants and skillfully removes them. Javier growls, he shoves Kevin off his chest and removes Kevin's pants before he straddles his partner.

Javier attacks Kevin's neck, lips and jaw with nips and kisses, Kevin wrapping his legs around Javier's waist he lays beneath his partner almost in a daze.

Javier places his lips back on Kevin's and pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth, Kevin opens his mouth, allowing Javier to begin mapping out his mouth. Kevin's hands reach up and grab Javier's head, deepening the kiss.

Kevin's hand starts to travel towards Javier's underwear, but Javier grabs it and pulls it up to his mouth, kissing it. "How...far...do...you...want...to...go, after...all...we have...three full days after tonight," he whispers in between kisses.

"Well...I guess we...better make...the next...three days count, as long as you hold me tonight...just hold me...all night long," he replies and Javier rolls off and pulls Kevin in close to his chest, kissing his neck.

"Goodnight, Kevin," he whispers.

"Goodnight, Javi," comes the reply, followed by soft breathing.

 

Javier awakes naturally for once, he's not jerking out of a nightmare or waking up to pounding or an alarm, no instead he's waking up to find a half naked Kevin Ryan in his arms. 

Two steaming cups of coffee sit on the nightstand and as Javier begins to move around a bit, stretching, Kevin sits up and leans over Javier, skillfully picking up both cups before leaning back into a seated position, both cups finding their respective owners.

Javier smiles as he takes a sip of the perfectly made beverage, Kevin knows him well. "So, it wasn't a dream."

Kevin takes a sip of his coffee too before answering. "Is that a good thing?"

Javier leans forwards and places a short chaste kiss to Kevin's lips. "A very good thing."

Kevin grins. "Well, we have the whole day off, what do you want to do?"

"We could read or watch TV," suggests Javier grinning playfully.

"True, or we could do something new," replies Kevin flirtatiously.

Before they know it both their cups are empty, Javier takes them and turns to his nightstand and places them on top before opening the drawer and closing it before turning back around.

Kevin grins and Javier returns it. "Detective Esposito, you dirty boy." Kevin teases.

A few hours later finds both partners asleep, completely naked in each others arms. All the pillows are on the floor along with their clothes and the covers and mostly heaped at the end of the bed except the sheet which is pulled up to their waists.

 

The next day and night fly by as the two partners enjoy the time off making pancakes, having massive Madden tournaments and of course getting to know each other just a little bit better. 

On the night Kevin is supposed to die finds Javier holding Kevin against his chest, his Glock held securely by his side, a clock on the nightstand set to midnight. 

"Less than five minutes to go, bro. I promise, you're gonna make it this time. Nothing's going to happen to you. I promise. I love you, Kev," whispers Javier.

Kevin sits up, takes Javier's gun hand and then swings his fist into Javier's head, pulling the gun free he cocks it and points it at his partner's head. "You know what, I think your right."

Before Javier can think to ask a question of react the clock chimes midnight and Kevin pulls the trigger. "Goodbye, asshole."

With a **BANG** Javier's world vanishes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ducks flying object* just remember if you kill the author before the story is compete you'll never know the ending. *cowers* I know really evil cliffhanger.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, the moment you've all been waiting for, The Final Chapter!
> 
> Special Shoutout to: Purplepidgioncommandbase, thank you so so very much, you're a major part of why this story was so good and a good part of why it actually got finished. I enjoyed hearing your every word and I hope this is not the last I will hear of your insightful and sometimes emotional comments.
> 
> Shoutouts also to: Detective_Rysposito, my fandom sister in arms and to Lilablassblau, your comments have also been treasured, as well as KevinRyanAU, one of my best friends on IG, loved to see your reactions and to PositiveWeirdFangirl, I loved your insightful comments and encouragement as well.

_Before Javier can think to ask a question of react the clock chimes midnight and Kevin pulls the trigger. "Goodbye, asshole."_

_With a **BANG** Javier's world vanishes._

 

Javier's eyes open and he jerks up off the red couch beneath him. Kevin's roadkill couch. Javier groans as he flips over before sitting up, an empty beer bottle rolling to a stop besides and empty six pack minus one. 

A glance at his watch tells him what he already knows, it's 6:45am, Friday, June 15th, 2018.

Javier stands, stretches and makes his way through the apartment, his apartment. He hates today, it's his least favorite day out of the year and it always begins with a dream or two.

"We are gathered here today to celebrate a life, a life that was cut much too short. Formerly a member of the NYPD's 12 precinct Homicide Division, Kevin Ryan was a great man and his loss will be felt by many. Even though at the time of his death Mr. Ryan was no longer a member of the NYPD we will give him a cops farewell and honors. And now a few words from his partner, Detective Esposito."

Shaking slightly, Javier steps up to the podium. He clears his throat and holds back his tears. "Kevin was the best friend a man could have, the best partner a cop could ask for and an all around great guy," he pauses and looks down at the notecard he'd prepared, but it just doesn't feel right, so he puts the card in a pocket in his dress blues.

"When we first met I was getting over a loss myself and I had put up walls, I was determined not to be assigned another partner, I mean, it was true that I already was on a team with Detective Beckett, but we mostly did our thing. I'd already driven at least three partners away and I was starting to drive our captain at the time, the late Roy Montgomery, crazy. Then I met Kevin. I'd been told he was former Narcotics, but due to a recent case he could no longer stay there so he transfered to Homicide, to the 12th. When I first saw him I thought it was a joke, he looked barely out of high school and definitely did not smell anything like a Narc, let alone a cop. I was sure he'd end up dead or in the hospital within a month, tops. He was also very, very friendly to me, and I wasn't being very likable, I found it annoying. He wouldn't take offense or rise at anything, he just did what I asked, changed what I wanted and tried to be my friend, and I wasn't making it easy on him either. Basically, I was being an ass and I knew it."

The crowd in the cemetery chuckles a bit and Beckett smiles a little from her spot next to Castle, they both stand next to the podium.

"Our first case out together, things didn't exactly go as planned when we went to pick up a suspect, things went sideways, literally. We got pinned down in a fire fight and our car was dead in the water, luckily there were lots of cars around, unluckily we were stuck behind one with no keys. Kevin told me to cover him, jimmyied open the passenger door and climbed in, laying across the passenger seat he manged to hotwire the car and get in the driver's seat without being shot. We peeled out of there desperately trying to get signal to call for backup. Unfortunately the guys with guns had a car too. I told myself this is it, they're going to catch us and kill us, but obviously that didn't happen. What did happen was the first time of many Kevin Ryan had my back, surprised the hell outta me and saved my life. After that we got really really really close, we became more than partners, we were brothers. Then we hit a bump in the road. We were after this sniper, a man who had already taken an attempt at Detective Beckett's life and worked for the man behind her mother's murder, a man we now know to be former Senator William Bracken. We'd been working a case and figured that it was the same guy, but we knew our new captain of nearly a year would take us off the case if she found out. Detective Beckett and I went to get him while Kevin stayed and made sure Captain Gates didn't find out and to make sure our guy didn't move on us. Again things went to hell in a handbag and I ended up unconscious on the floor, Detective Beckett hanging from a building. Kevin was worried and told Captain Gates and they assembled a team and saved our asses only to get Detective Beckett and I promptly suspended. I was furious, I was an ass, I treated him like shit, we were never the same.And during my suspension, I took my relationship with Dr. Parish the step further she wanted and proposed, as of now we're engaged and Detective Beckett and Castle had finally gotten together, leaving Kevin, who unbeknownst to us was relationshipless and had been for quite some time."

Javier pauses again and steadies himself. "Kevin couldn't take it anymore, the being alone when the rest of us were happy, so he left the 12th and now here we are today. Kevin was killed because even though he'd turned in his shield and gun he was still a cop at heart, he died as he lived, trying to prevent a murder. I just wish I could've been there backing him up.  He died alone in an alley, he bled out alone and afraid and abandoned because I let him, I let the wheels fall off. But, just because he's dead, that doesn't mean he's gone, I will carry him with me forever. He was my brother and I let him down so I won't forget him until the day I join him myself. Kevin Ryan will live on in our hearts and our memories forever."

Everything else passes by in a blur until Kevin's sisters, brothers in law, Castle, Beckett and himself are seated in a room with a lawyer, a big cardboard box and a sealed envelope. The reading of Kevin's will.

The lawyer opens the envelope and begins to read, starting with his family members, then the 12th, then Beckett, Castle and lastly Javi. To the three of them their messages are mostly short and basically the same, a video message will follow.The lawyer pulls 3 dvd cases out of the box and puts the disk from the first in the dvd player on front of them. Once it's powered up and playing there's Kevin, seated in one of the hallways in the 12th. His message is to Beckett on this desk, it lasts about 10 minutes, the same can be said for Castle's disk, then they leave the room as requested by Kevin at the beginning of his video to Javi, the lawyer leaves as well.

"Javi, if you're seeing this it means I'm dead. If you're seeing this version of my will that means I'll have left the 12th some time ago and things didn't change between us in the time after my departure until now." On camera, Kevin sighs. "Which means I have to tell you this via this video instead of manning up and saying it to your face." 

He takes another deep breath and Javier takes one himself, he'd never seen his partner this worked up. "Javi, I-," he sighs again, "come on, Kevin, you coward say it already." 

He looks up and his eyes meet Javier's and look straight into him. "Javi, I love you. And not like a brother, not anymore, not for a while now. I'm in love with you, Javier Esposito, unconditionally, irrevocably in love with you. And it's taken this long for me to tell you, hell I'm not even telling you, this video is because I've missed my chance. That's the real reason I left the 12th. I couldn't take it anymore and you were engaged, I'd missed my shot, and that will always be my biggest regret. I'm so sorry, Javi."By this point both of them have started to cry. "Please don't blame yourself, please don't do anything stupid. Promise me you'll be happy, live the life I obviously didn't get to finish. I love you Javi, never forget me, I'll wait for you, always. Wheels are still on, bro, don't let them fall off. I love you, Javi."

Javier sighs and leans on his cane as he limps over to his wheelchair. He wheels himself into the bedroom to get his old dress blues on so he could go visit Kevin. He wished it was a dream, but it wasn't, Kevin had been dead for exactly 5 years now. God, he missed him so much. He'd broken things off with Lanie and rejoined the service, but an explosion a year later left him partially paralyzed from the waist down. 

 

Javier limps to the grave, leaning heavily on his cane. "Hey, Kev. It's been a hard year, bro. But I made a promise I plan on keeping, I'm going to live the life you didn't get. I miss you so much, I can't wait to see you again, but not yet. It's been a long few years and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again, however long that is. I love you, Kev and I miss you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't see that coming, or did ya?! Even though this is the last chapter of this crazy, emotional journey I'd love to hear your comments on this as well as my other works, most whump, good 75% rysposito and all but 2% Javier or Kevin or both centric.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to everyone who joined me on this crazy, emotional journey, I will treasure your comments forever.


End file.
